Remember how 1-2 Switch was rightfully derided as a tech demo that should have been bundled with the Switch for free? That game has more interactivity and a longer shelf life than Ultimate Epic Battle Simulator.Īs icing on the cake, it's also buggy as all hell. Honestly, it feels more like one of those late 90s screen savers where you set how many animations appeared on the screen and clicked "go." This definitely isn't Total War or even any sort of real-time strategy game. And you don't really "play" the battles at hand anyway - instead you more so just watch it go down after setting some basic parameters.
More than just "bad," the fighting animations are barely even there, much less anywhere near on par with other epic battle games. The problem is that Ultimate Epic Battle Simulator is beyond a one trick pony - it barely even has that one trick at all. We can finally re-create that segment from A Christmas Horror Story! Santa fighting off a horde of zombies? A horde of Santas (what's the plural of Santa, by the way?) fighting to the death against a cadre of dinosaurs? Penguins versus legionaries? Kangaroos versus orcs? That all sounds like a smashing good time - if it were actually implemented well and had any actual gameplay. Here's the thing though: unlike I Am Bread or any of its bad physics indie cousins, at first, Ultimate Epic Battle Simulator actually sounds amazing. It's more of a tech demo than anything else, letting you make silly battles that will be amusing for somewhere in the neighborhood of 45 minutes - at best - before it gets very, very old. That cycle strikes again with Ultimate Epic Battle Simulator, a "game" that doesn't really have any business being out of Early Access. Seriously? 3,000+ positive reviews for I Am Bread?!?!? Go back and try to play either of those game after a month away from them - I dare you to! No one in their right mind will actually think, "Man, this is a quality gaming experience right here."
It happened previously with dumb, barely-playable games like Goat Simulator and I Am Bread, as the games in question somehow racked up thousands of positive reviews because a famous streamer decided to make fun of it one day. And then the storm breaks and the world moves onto the next big thing. There's an obnoxious cycle where the whole internet goes nuts for some silly "game" that barely qualifies for the title, taking over news feeds and YouTube channels for weeks.
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